First Love ig

Hello everyone, i am 16061 and as you can see idk how to write blogs and stuff. It's my first time writing something. So you guys must be wondering why i am writing this blog. The short answer to this question is that idk really. I just got a idea that i should write something. I think i should quit this unnecessary yapping and share some things of my life. So this is the story of my first so called "love" and i don't know still if i loved her or not but i know one thing that i got into a relationship with her because i was desperate as fuck like every teenager is at the starting of his high school. The things started on a random evening when i found myself in a group chat. This group chat was created by my friend who currently is studying in a different school but idk about his future. So in this group, only me and this girl used to talk and send reels and stuff, the other members were dead not gonna lie. Eventually we started talking on private chats and got close to each other. And finally on a random night, I proposed to her knowing i won't be with her forever, I was a evil bitch. And guess what, she said yes. At the start everything was going absolutely perfect but as i was only in a relationship with her because i wanted a girlfriend. Eventually i convinced her to meet me on a monday morning. I had convinced her but her house was 3-4 km away from my house and i couldn't use any type of transport as at 4 am i can't take out any vehicles from my house, on top of that it was freezing outside. Still i managed to somehow get to her place. This day became the day of my first kiss. After that we started meeting frequently not very frequently but we meet whenever it was possible. Until one day when she was very depressed and she also had fever and as a emotional fucked person and boyfriend i went to her home knowing she was telling me not to but my mind was fucked. When i got in front of her house i saw a car pull up to her house and i got scared and got away. The day after this happened i got a text from her saying that her brother saw me and that we couldn't meet anymore. But this wasn't the last time i saw her in person it was actually the time when things started going worse between us. And finally the day came of our last meeting, our last kiss. I knew she loved me more than anyone ever could but i was an asshole who was not sure about his feelings all along and was just using her. But if i got a last chance right now i wouldn't let her down. But i don't deserve a last chance because the wounds i caused her couldn't ever be healed by me.